Fear is the number one reason we stay stuck in a life we’re unhappy with. It comes from a variety of sources including our past experiences, personality, societal expectations, friends and family influence, and mindset. Sometimes we don’t even realise we’re being influenced by fear; we hide it from ourselves. This month I share how fear kept me from making a life changing decision, and what I did to overcome it and do what I actually wanted rather than what my fear told me I wanted.
Fear is a natural emotion and is part of our built-in fight or flight survival instinct. Without fear we wouldn’t survive. But sometimes fear can keep us stuck. It influences our thoughts, feelings and behaviours and keeps us “safe” in our comfort zone. But what if you don’t want to just live in your comfort zone? What if you want to push yourself and do something new? Well, if that’s you then you need to learn how to identify fear and manage it when it tries to keep you stuck. Here’s how I do it…
Recently I made a life changing decision which, if I had listened to my fear, I’d never have made. I decided to sell my home and 80% of my belongings so that I could travel and then move to the other side of the world. It wasn’t an easy decision because it was so far out of my comfort zone that as soon as I started thinking about it fear told me all the reasons it wouldn’t work. It told me why this kind of decision wasn’t for me. Why I was crazy even considering it, and why I should definitely not do it. These fears came from a deeper part of me and for a while I listened to them. I buried my desires and continued to live my life in Surrey telling myself this was a perfectly happy life. And it was, but I still wanted more.
I could have listened to my fear; sometimes, when doubts creep in, I still do. But I also know that I’m capable of doing anything I put my mind to. I also know that if I want something, I can achieve it, and I know that I want to live an extraordinary life. I don’t want to play it safe, and I don’t want to stay comfortable. I want to challenge myself to be the best I can do and I want to live a life of no regrets. So, when fear crept in and convinced me that my dream was impossible, I challenged that thought. I used all my previous experiences and successes to remind myself of the skills I had that would mean I could achieve it. I reassured myself that even though it would be hard leaving the people I love behind, they’d still love me, even if I was the other side of the world. I tackled each fear driven thought one at a time, until there were none left, and none keeping me stuck. And then I created a plan and took action.
So, if you find yourself stuck from fear take a moment to consider why the fear is present. Is it trying to tell you something? Is it trying to keep you safe? Decide whether you want to listen to your fear driven thoughts because you really can choose if you want to believe a thought or not, and our thoughts can become our beliefs which in turn influences our reality, so choose carefully!