4 steps to changing unhelpful behaviours

Behaviour modification has long been a part of therapeutic practise and I often see clients who want to achieve something but struggle to get there due to their existing behaviour patterns. A simple but effective way to look at it is, if you want to achieve something new, you need to do something new. In this month’s blog I talk about the unhelpful behaviours that show up most often in my clients, and the 4 steps you should follow if you want to change your unhelpful behaviours.

3 steps to changing unhelpful behaviours

OK, let’s start with the basics. What do I mean when I talk about unhelpful behaviours? An unhelpful behaviour is any action or pattern of actions that impacts your ability to grow and achieve the things you want to achieve; they can sometimes even cause stress or problems in our lives. Unhelpful behaviours are unconscious patterns that show up in our lives that many of us aren’t aware of. Common unhelpful behaviours include:

• excessive worry or rumination

• people pleasing

• perfectionism

• avoidance

• passive-aggression

• self-sabotage

• negative self-talk

• catastrophising

• resistance to change or criticism

Sound familiar?

I’m going to be real with you…we all have unhelpful behaviours so if yours isn’t on the list take a moment to think about what it might be because you definitely have one (maybe more). If left unchecked unhelpful behaviours can lead to a deterioration in mental health and negatively impact your ability to manage stress and general day to day living.

So, what can you do about your unhelpful behaviours?

There are various behaviour modification techniques that help people change their unhelpful behaviours but using self-directed neuroplasticity to create and strengthen new behaviours has been proven to be the best and simplest approach. Here are 4 steps to help you get started:

1) Re-label your brain messages – the first thing you need to do is implement a helpful or unhelpful labelling system. Every time a thought pops into your mind pause to think “is this thought helpful or unhelpful?” Identify the unhelpful as something you’d like to change.

2) Re-frame thoughts by changing your perspectives – next evaluate the importance you’re putting on the thought. How important is this thought to you? How important is it really?! Remember the thought isn't you, it's just your brain so take this opportunity to decide if you want to believe it or not (you do have a choice!)

3) Re-focus by placing your attention on a more helpful activity - eliminate destructive coping mechanisms by re-focusing on more helpful activities. Write a list of these activities so you have a go to in the moment making it much more likely that you’ll swap the negative for something more positive moving forwards. Some examples might be adding a reality check filter to your thoughts, setting boundaries, exposure rather than avoidance etc.

4) Re-value yourself - Re-wire your brain so that instead of being a negative place it becomes a place you can practise self-love. Making decisions from a space of self-love rather than self-loathing long term will allow you to develop thinking patterns (and therefore behaviour patterns) that create a more positive and compassionate life.

Taking these steps will help you break down the association between unhelpful thoughts which lead to unhelpful behaviours. Give it a go and let me know how you get on in the comments.

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